Postpartum Depression for Dads? Com'n Man!

Heard about this article in Newsweek on talk radio the other day. Just had to look it up and read it for myself.

It's written by Joel Schwartzberg, a columnist and PBS producer. He writes of his struggles as a new dad. Please, read it for yourself then see if you share the same reaction.

Basically he takes about 800 words to say he's selfish.

"When a child was added to my life, it was as if something enormous and coveted was subtracted in return, and the transaction left me reeling, like someone who'd just gambled away his soul."

"...not 48 hours after we returned home with our boy, a truth dawned on me with shocking force: my life was gone. Movies, sleeping, long showers—all gone. We became slaves to this tiny new thing living in our home, and there was no going back."

You learn that a few visits to a psychotherapist helped him discover that what he was actually dealing with was male postpartum depression. SERIOUSLY?!?!? Since when did men experience hormonal and physiological changes after NOT carrying a baby in their bodies for 40 weeks that led to uncontrollable depression as Schwartzberg describes?

As you read further you learn that his wife calls him out.

"My wife seemed to consider me selfish and irresponsible. She was tired, she'd say, of parenting both of us. Even when the bickering ended, the wounds never healed. Our marriage took a fatal hit."

Okay, timeout here. Your wife takes priority over everything. If you can't get your marriage straight, you ain't gonna get parenting straight. That's the struggle any new dad can attest to. Your family is growing and the newest member requires constant attention, so how do you maintain your relationship with your wife? Being just as needy as the newborn yourself won't do it.

In the end the writer comes around and realizes his son needed him all along. Took him nine years to realize it! But the sad part is he just dismisses the whole affair by claiming to simply have been a "lost" father.

Now, as a father to a 16-month-old son, I can relate to some of the writers feelings. Late night feedings and sleep deprivation, the constantly dirty and wet diapers, spit up covering every horizontal surface, a house that isn't always as tidy as it once was, etc. These things can wear on you and cause frustration and fatigue, but there's a name for it. It's called parenthood. It's not postpartum depression! It's called fatherhood, which means you now have a responsibility not only to your wife, but also to your son.

So, as you can see I'm a bit fired up by this article. What are your thoughts? Can you relate to the writer? How did you handle the transition to fatherhood?

How bizarre

An excess of Guinness and time equals...

The Scariest Sight I've Ever Seen

Yesterday I witnessed an image that will not soon be erased from my memory.

I was home alone with my 15-month old son. My wife was performing at church and would not be home for another couple hours. I fed my son his lunch and put him down for his nap. It was exactly noon.

Here's where things got ugly. I, in my very ambitious go get 'em parenting style, was hoping to begin to break my son of his pacifier addiction this weekend, so I put him to bed without it. Naturally he threw quite the fit, but I told myself, "Self, let him fuss for 10 minutes. If he's still fussing, go in his room, remind him it's nap time, give him a kiss and leave him be."

12:03 p.m. - I began to make myself a man-sized lunch. Fried pork chops and oven-baked fries. Yum.

12:06 p.m. - My son was still fussy, rather vigorously, but nothing out of the norm.

12:10 p.m. - I went to check on my son who was still crying, but not as loudly. I opened his door to find him covered in blood. His entire face smeared with blood. Blood on his hands, arms, pants, sheets, blanket, crib. Blood everywhere. It was the scariest sight I'd ever seen.

12:10 and 3 seconds p.m. - I snatch him up and whisked him off to the bathroom, apologizing profusely for letting him cry all that entire time. "I'm sorry buddy. I didn't know you were hurt. Oh, I'm sorry. How long have you been bleeding? Come here. Daddy's got you. I'm sorry."

12:10 and 42 seconds p.m. - I grab a wash cloth and immediately begin cleaning him up and searching for the source of the bleeding. My first guess was a bloody nose, but that wasn't it. He had blood in his mouth. Did he knock a tooth loose somehow? No.

12:12 p.m. - Finally I discover the source of the bleeding. He'd split that thin, little piece of skin that attaches your upper lip to your gums.

My guess is he was throwing a fit in his crib and banged his mouth on the rail. The bleeding had slowed, but didn't stop. So I decided to have the pros take a look. I took him to the nearest immediate care center.

The doctor there was very reassuring. By the time she saw him the bleeding had completely stopped. She told me several times I did the right thing, which was all I needed to hear.

No need for stitches, it will heal on its own.

Mommy arrived home shortly after us at which point we found a pacifier and put our son to bed with a heaping helping of hugs and kisses.

We can wait until another day to break the pacifier habit, whadda say?

Somedays It's Hard to Be a Fan

When your team does something like this:

Cutler thinks he is still on trading block

and this

Marshall arrested for disorderly conduct

As you probably know I'm a die hard Broncos fan. Loved 'em since my youth. Will love them 'til I die. But this has been an unusual off season. So far the head coach of 14 years (who also won two Super Bowls) was fired and a new coach (with no head coaching experience) was hired. Two pairs of the GM trio were fired and the new GM and head coach are shopping the franchise, pro bowl quarterback. So now he's upset and hurt and not interested in talking to the team brass. To add insult to injury our young, pro bowl wide receiver has been arrested again which will probably result in a lengthy suspension (my guess is 8 games).

It's times like this that it's hard to be a fan. I'll support my team through thick and thin, but if they loose their talented young QB, the leader of the team, because a new head coach and GM screwed up than what am I cheering for? A mascot? A city?

It's times like this you realize you're cheering for the players and the coaches. I'll pull for whatever team Mike Shannahan goes to next year and if Cutler leaves I'll pull for his team too, but I'd much rather they just stay put. The new young coach will grow on me and he was rather quickly as of late, but these lastest shenanigans are two big steps back.

The Credit Crisis for Dummies

Found this little gem today. Explains in simple terms why banks are failing and how it really does all go back to credit.


The Crisis of Credit Visualized from Jonathan Jarvis on Vimeo.

I like to think I'm a pretty bright guy, but I've not been able to follow this whole mess. This helped me clear it up and also reassure me that not owning a home at this point in life is probably the best thing imaginable.